Bittersweet

The love of my life 
the one that 
forced me to 
open my eyes 
Allowing myself 
to see 
allowing myself 
to believe 
Has been gone 
for quite sometime 
but I can’t 
get her 
off my mind 
I fucking miss her 
and can’t turn off 
the love she created 
within my soul 
by being herself 
She’s an Angel 
she’s my Angel 
but these demons 
refused to let 
our love survive 
With time 
we grew 
further and further 
apart until the flame 
was entirely lost 
her name 
I called 
her love 
I screamed for 
I remained 
far down below 
all that made sense 
lifting myself up 
with the overflowing tears 
Just as I 
quit feeling sorry 
for myself 
is when I truly 
began to bleed 
knowing the love 
I had thrown away 
knowing the woman 
I unintentionally discarded 
Well she reached out to me 
it turns out she still loves me 
It turns out, she knows the pain 
I endured, the trauma 
I was forced to be one with 
She wants to be 
back in my arms 
but the damage 
has been done 
her oldest son 
refuses to allow 
us to get back together 
and makes threats to her 
that he will never ever 
speak to her again 
if she gets
back with me 
BITTERSWEET 
I love her to much 
to put her in 
that situation 
To know, she wants me 
and I want her too 
to know we want to meet 
but I refuse to go 
knowing it would 
just make things worse 
until she can 
figure out 
how to make it work 
forever and not just 
right now 
until we both know 
how to make it work 
in a way that can last 
FOREVER 
Then I refuse to
get thrown back in 
I miss her more 
than words can express 
She is my forever 
but right now 
it seems like 
she is my never 
But I refuse 
to lose her again 
Until she can be mine 
for sure 
then I cannot 
be hers at all 
I’m sorry 
Jen