Bloody Single

Bloody Single

Having been single for over a year,
I thought I best get my undateable self in gear.
As I fired up the laptop to see what I could find,
I prayed to God that he would be kind!
After uploading my details to one certain site,
I was confident someone would see my plight.
The sound of my inbox starting to fill
Made me feel wanted "oh what a thrill!"
But as I opened the messages I had received,
My excitement soon left as I felt more aggrieved!
Instead of the polite messages I hoped to get,
I witnessed images I would rather forget!
Why on Earth would you post pictures like that!
I yelled at the screen as I hid behind the cat!
When I was brave enough to look again,
I thought I best delete some messages or maybe ten!
How the hell do they think these usernames up?
Furrybaubles79 made my laughter erupt!
ChipfatPete would not get a date,
And neither would Thebaldysmurf or Hitman68.
There must be normal guys? I heard myself cry!
Ones that are normal and don't just lie!
This would not be as easy as I had first thought,
It was one life experience that couldn't be bought!
I had to be brave and see this thing through,
Despite wanting to run and hide in the loo!
Well a few weeks later I had arranged a date,
With a guy that seemed like the perfect soul mate.
His photos looked normal and he did make me laugh,
As he explained his dance style was called "Drunken Calf!" 
As the night approached when we would first meet,
I started to get really cold feet!
My friends had warned that I might get let down, 
But I assured them this guy was not just a clown!
As I sat in the bar in a nice new dress,
My heart did sink I must confess.
As in walked my date who had forgotten to mention,
That he was not 35 he was drawing his pension!
With disappointment turning to anger I knew what to do,
And escaped out the loo window wearing only one shoe!
The next guy I dated was quite a find,
He was witty, good looking and oh so kind!
The next date he came round mine for dinner 
And it was then that I realised he wasn't a winner!
As he stood at the door I really must stress,
That his legs looked much better than mine in that dress!
I politely explained that it wasn't my thing,
So off he strutted with his purse in full swing!
Dating is a roller coaster and if you feel brave,
It can give you the attention you might just crave.
But it's a bit like eBay you can never be sure,
As to what will turn up at your door!