Borderline to blow

made new friends helped n listened stud up n by argued with over helping daily and her always here at mine. Dropping hints of things she needs knowing I'll help her but not askin as such I'm not usually so considerate I have ruined gals twice her age I have put up with less and backed her up joined in had fun and been sisters so close and best mates always laughed at her ways ignored the half naked  attention seeking lies told to me and stirred shit when she first met me centre of the room crying most days letting everyone move in use u putting every body else first sept those who help u. Quick to gossip and can't accept it when played at her own game. All them lads sitting in hers doing drugs and drinking most days, are my ex boyfriend n his twaty mates the lads always cussing her moaning n now they're out of mine they're all at hers most days. Playing silly sly games, pushing me every single way waiting for me to snap n questioning y I haven't as such and verbally lash out puttin them bk in place. I am used again by childish twats and left with no thanks jus insults and gossip cussin actual adults dropping in names adding ppl close n thinking they good yet I caught them again sending screen shot messages comparing the  essays I sent every day gettin brave now yet been pussys til now been bullied n ran down robbed and used doing as u were told setting up my mate who cums in to get shit weighed caused me drama letting them cum in to my place lettin ppl in steada jus sayin no tellin wastemen to fuck off for a start steada standing there sheepish chattin lure shit acting like u went out hard man n faced it yet you are the cause of it the main culprit little silly kids selling drugs n being mugs my own boyfriend hiding acting like he didn't ni or hiding behind the dog y I face a group in my house and won't shut up acted insanely Cse they were in my home lied through my teeth mouthed off back went mad n refused to snitch I ain't doing it for no one over nothing in my home you have to take me down dead before you get to enter being rude and aggressive  same lads I sold bud too had them round too running for the same dude they trying get luke to ring n set it me shouting in the back it nothing to do with me and them using my home phone like he ent got my number yet he wasn't a twat or stupid they all grown so fast I tried help them grow and last helped them wherein when got myself in shit n flipped out lost people close and still helped all them hit drugs hard started to jus laugh scared to sleep or sleep for days get high of my rocket running debts I can't pay bailed out by mum again she's now fucked because of me and is now like me bailed me out lied through her teeth still helpin now paid thousands out got debts worse than ever hiding crying puking in anxiety and terror I barely see Lewis I barely left the house I tried hard to break the circle again it's hard but I'm strong aswell as weak again more scared that I'm not reacting properly doing things opposite people thinking I'm mad but can't say shit to me face to face jus spread rumours and gossip I trust strangers in my home left them with my flat my animals and walked out my own home panicked when I hear them out side from window I'm scared I'll go to far I'll unleash so much I will face a charge I'm scared I won't think n snap it's coming soon a Big Bang clap volcano is bubbling hot yet I'm so much of a cunt I switch I melt I suffer I take drugs get drunk alone and sit no sleep most nights or days Cse I don't wana  arguin the point being tested by little boys after I finished there friend and wont let them sit here instead of in streets being cussed out thinking so much shit wondering what I'll do soon as they do something else I am sitting back random rants essays voice notes fighting every body trying to be adult and handle it different this time but building up to much inside I fear what I'll do what I'll face next I fear I may kill some one Cse I'm so vexed sick of being under estimated exs battered me Cse I push them to it I fuck them iver n get them good they all have issues n I'm the sket from hood every demon every man every one cums back and I let them for a reason. No more control n I'm the one still standing still free stronger even as a front I show them up I let them in I act so nice n take their shit laughing at them and being a cunt Cse I'm honest I face my demons n I keep sum close I prove to them over and over they don't get to cum bk now try it again need help or run bk Cse no one else claim all sorts yet I'm the one got my own house well a flat but it's mine my tenancy the second in five years as I moved all the time been through sum shit and now it's time stop playing nicely n open up their eyes bout time I stopped feeling bad n gettin mugged off cussed at and judged all time fuck the hater the kids on the block the using twats that think they're now tough I going to blow soon and I kid u not I fear who ever gets in my way or gets me to go mad Cse I've had enough I'm not crazy I'm insane I'm not well doctors say multiple personalities and traits sept they all beginning to show in turn United in hate breaking own rules trusting others old skl fuckin ppl off simple pics got old mates back in me up tellin me what said n who said what kids being kids but all they've done is unite a team of friends that they're pissing off themselfs instead of causing problems Cse difference is with us adults we have respect n loyal morals we all get left behind and names trouble  pushed closer enimeis are laughing at them all n meeting to toast them got my boys my Soljas n my mad friends got music on my mind n flowing words again writer block over still can't face sober bout to blow erupt like lava n flow burning everything in my pathway yet it was brought in by trying to let things go ppl trying okay games hack social media compare notes and pics and msgs like we're in school hiding notes in class being caught out by the teacher Cse the teacher taught others to do the same back in school days I was the biggest playing bitch mate when I flipped like this back many times previous to living here I know how to get out of it I know when n what to say and do n I'm good at it I get everyone back and people disappear I have people puttin guns to ppl that give me shit n I wasn't even aroud here or known about it til three weeks past and he ran in fear haha I have been to nice n looked after to many lost kids bout time I stud up and reminded them I'm not some nice soft rangy cow and bitvh I won't let no one fight for me or snitch I won't let no copper in my flat without making me the one they have watch n going mad as I do Cse I flip I am ill now and back to being sick things are changing I hope not to bad but I'm not taking no Ines bollux no more n leaving it! I'm borderline to blow and I'm going to go hotter than ever highest rage turn into Mrs hulk n rampage taking on everyone in a day fuckin ppl up mentally physically and emotionally in ways everyone gets a back bone after being with me and gets brave I rub off n the weak ones get the good ones bad I have a effect on people so much but I'm not all bad I have heart n it starts every time same way with me helping ppl and being nice lettin them move in and stay fuck that only real ppl are here and allowed now only people I can leave here n trust for days not no one else no snake or bitch snitch or mandem going to step foot in my door again I'll fuck them iver the balcony n chuck the cunts out front or back if any twat steps near my flat or ine step up I'll switch and I fear I'll really go mad and get snitched or one or more them may get stitches  fucked in the head but pushed to the brink sick of idiots gettin clever and shit watch this space the follow up could be mad I'm sure I'll right some emotional sick twisted shit or rant it out or laugh it out  writing it out laughing at myself Cse I hurt them or someone else long as they deserve it or cause it I don't care I fear myself and gettin locks for long as I can't go now prison or hospitals won't help locked away for being pushed to rage no one worth my life out here I'm sick of being prisoner to it all each day out here as they play time to shut down it's gone five am everyone sleeping but me again at home anxious as hell but laughing as well ahaha bring in tmra it's gna b Wednesday as well the mid week bad day always wonky or hell