CALL OF DUTY

Im getting a tattoo of a soldier , with a skull inside/
its about a game, that was put in my way when i was younger, it was there so i wouldn't commit suicide//

i been through so much in my life, and i think back and get mad and sad, i re feel all the pain..

i think why would my brothers do that to me, knowing that it hurt me, why didn't they stop when they could, the pain in my eyes, they didnt see/
why did they have to wait till my sister told my mom that my brothers where touching me//

i remember when i was a little older my mom asked me if i remembered that night/
i said no, but she said.. i know your lying//

little did she know that i thought about it everyday, when i would see them, now at 21 i still think of it when i see them/ do they still think of what they did back then?//

The pain i went through when my mom and dad would argue, i would stick my head under my door and listen and id cry and cover my ears/
i cried in silence, i would cry and lay there and taste my tears//

they still argue and it still hurts but this time i can go upstairs and put my earphones in/
play my game listen to music, and wait a couple days till its all good again//

I often think and cry about the niece or nephew my sister didnt let me meet, how cute that baby would've been/ but that baby is in heaven, the innocent.. the baby with wings//

I'm sad that my ex boyfriend from when i was 13 treated me like shit, he would cheat on me and tell me/ he made me feel like thats how i should be treated, what i deserved, now I'm heartless with everyone , i turned into him, and that i know, that i see//

i lost my best friend , the one who loved me for me, who TRULY loved me, i broke him/
i treated him like shit, and its sad to type but back then i truly didnt care for his feelings, i didnt care if he cried, and now i wish i can even see him in a dream//

I'm searching for someone to love me, meanwhile i don't love me 
I'm waiting for someone to show me what is worth loving/
they point out to me what there is to love, but i see nothing//

i came along way from where i was, I'm trying to be more with my family/
but i still come back to what helped me, call of duty//

because there are still tough days, and days do come where i think of the past/
the game gets rid of all of the anger and sadness, after I'm done, i just sit back and try to relax//

thats why I'm getting a soldier tattooed because even though i was dying inside/
the soldier in the game was pulling me through, all the bullets hit him, when i was giving up he shielded me, so i can help myself, so i can keep trying, so i can keep my life//