Can't Stop

They say that you should be happy with yourself. That ‘you’re beautiful just the way you are’. Yet why do I feel so ugly. Wait, maybe not ugly. It’s too strong of a word. Why do I feel so awful? The sight of myself bittersweet. In the mirror I imagine what I could be and more, but never work for it. I don’t feel lovely, in fact sometimes I feel repulsive. Clothes don’t fit me like they fit other girls. My pants are too tight in my thigh area, and shirts cling to my stomach. My own mother said ‘you look like you’re expecting’. It’s hard to not body shame yourself, when you role model does. Mother looks at herself with disgust sometimes. ‘My thighs are too thick’, ‘I need to lose weight’. Yet I think she’s the most beautiful person inside out. When your own role model can't see the beauty that you see it’s depressing.