Changed

Ever since I was a little girl I believed in true love; I wished for it. Every dandelion I came across, every birthday I'd close my eyes and blow my candles out, every Thanksgiving when we broke the wish-bone, every four leaf clover, every penny on heads, every fortune cookie, every coin I throw into a fountain.
Every time it was a guarantee. My wish never changed. I always wished for love. I'd wish for kind, gentle, loyal, and passionate love. I did that up to age 17. I realized that no boy was ever going to live up to my very high expectations. It wasn't until HIM. I thought he would be the boy to prove that wishes come true. The way he put his arm around me, held my hand, caressed my cheek, called me 'hun', and kissed me. They all should have been red flags. It was all a lie. It was an illusion. I was a naive little girl, the type who wished for love. I eventually found out he called me 'hun' because he didn't want to take the time to say honey, all his actions had dark motives and when I didn't want the same he exiled me. I was just a toy to play with when he got bored or didn't have anything better to do.
There was this quote that I liked before I got involved with him, it said something about a couple falling out of love and that he broke her; I always thought it sounded beautiful in a way, but then I realized he broke me. I am now broken, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ''fixed'. He took the brightness I had in my eyes and he darkened it. He took innocence from me. Now when I hear stories, songs, and quotes about 'love' I cringe a little. I've been hurt so many times before I doubt I could ever be loved. Because if you get hurt continuously, you're going to prepare for the next time.
I've made armor for my heart, I refuse to be hurt again. How can somebody get in if there's barbed wire and heavy duty padlocks? Now I step over the dandelions, I don't want a cake with candles for my birthday, I throw the wish-bone out after Thanksgiving dinner, I don't look for clovers, I leave the pennies on heads for someone else to find, I don't bother to read the fortune inside the cookie, I don't throw my coins into fountains because I might need them at a later date.
Everything about me is changed now and it's all because of him. I know him not being in my life anymore is for the better, but am I better post being hurt by him? Have I improved or am I unrecognizable to those who knew me the best? I miss the old me who believed everything happened for a reason and that one day I could find happiness..