Cheating, lurking opportunity

I cheat because its easy 

My state of mind reminds me there's always something better

He is okay for now and as I try rid myself of the thoughts

Opportunities avail themselves and suddenly

The doubt is cast aside

Might the universe trying to send me signals 

Could this be the only way to live

I indulge in not only the thoughts

But as lust overpowers me

I lay tear filled and fearful that I may never again find love again

I may never know what loyalty is or faithfulness could be

I lay bed ridden in the corners of mind

Emptiness flows in because thought I dance with everyone

My heart is still lonely

I cheat because I am scared that if someday I may trust someone

They will also struggle with lust and this

This is one that is hard to depart from

I cheat because I clearly do not trust my choice

I fear because who in their right mind would choose me

Even though it is a lurking opportunity, its a deadly destination