Closer to me

I've done it again, without knowing why
After all that torture, why did I try?
I ran, I pushed, counted every calorie 
I kept on going for a better,new me

I'm so sick of how I can't touch my toes
I hate the way I can't fit into clothes
My legs wobble whenever I run 
I hate that the scale says I weigh a ton
my friends say I'm fine, but I can't agree
'Cause in my reflection, I couldn't be less me

I eat and eat all my problems away
Although afterwards come the dark clouds of grey 
It felt so good, to be in such control 
I could finally fill up that huge hole 
but it didn't last long, there was instant regret
So I lay in my bed, feeling extremely upset
Why did I do that? Why didn't I stop?
I hate my body, I wish I could swap

I decide to start over, I push more and more
Trying as hard as I can, but what for?
I know deep down that my progress will fail
the guilt washes down like a prisoner in jail

There's been nights when I ask, when will this end?
I'm so sick of smiling, of the fake pretend 
I thought about suicide, is it my way out?
No, I couldn't, that's not what I'm about 

My friends and family made me see a new scene 
Where I wasn't so strict and I wasn't so mean 
They helped me realise that I'm more than I see
and now I feel great, I feel closer to me