Dear future husband

Dear future husband.
We haven’t yet met.
I’m quite sure of that.
We will not meet before it’s time.
I’m not ready to meet you.
I hope it isn’t soon - if that’s alright?

You have to be really special.
If He has already picked you out.
I can’t wait to be introduced to you, 
and to get a glimpse of what’s inside.

I wonder who you are?
I wonder what you look like?
What your goals are?
And what you dream about at night?
Has He planted dreams in your heart?
Has He told you about His future plans for your life?
Has He promised you, me?
Like He has promised me, you?
I wonder if our stories has some sort of similarities?
Or if we have experienced different kind of difficulties?
Time will tell.
This I know.
Cause anything can happen when God is in control.

I’m scared of starting something new.
I’m scared that I’ll be set up and that you lie about having a flue.
I’m scared that I won’t bee able to heal in time.
I don’t want to enter this, if my wounds are still hurting from this past of mine.
I’ve been toxic since my oldest son died.
And I can’t be involved before He says it’s time.
He has to tell me that you’re the one,
cause I don’t trust anyone.
I don’t trust any human on this planet.
I use to attract bad personalities as magnet.
This time it’s different,
I know He is speaking the truth.
Cause He’s erasing my old life,
and making me brand new.

I’m not perfect.
I’ll never be.
But that doesn’t bother me,
at least not completely.
He loves my imperfections and I think you will too.
He still chose me.
He still chose you.
And He will make two imperfection hearts melt into one.
That is of course - If I don’t start to run.

I’ve been a runner these past six years.
I tried to run from my problems,
but that didn’t go as planned.
All that did was making the problems become more and more difficult to handle. 
I acted before I even got time to think,
and my desires just made me more and more linked.
Every choice I made,
made me fall apart.
The consequences of my actions wasn’t exactly what I call “work of art”

I didn’t knew what I was doing.
And my finances made me get use to moving.
I didn’t wanted to face my fears.
I just wanted to be left alone with my tears.
I tried to run from the truth,
but now He is removing every weed from my garden by the root.
I tried to run from my responsibilities,
but now after time He’s revealing His abilities.
There is nothing He cannot conquer.
No problems to big,
No obstacle impossible.
When God is fighting my battles for me,
He makes all things - possible.
And I can truly say - He is unstoppable.

I have a heavy past.
And not every choice I’ve made has been the most ultimate one.
But I’m so grateful for the journey.
I’m so thankful for every hard lessons learned. For the painful experiences I’ve survived.
I would not have made it - if He didn’t stretched towards my heart. 
I have faith that He will use my experiences to help others entering His kingdom.
I have faith because I trust His words of wisdom.

I’ve experienced that my God never fails me.
I’ve experienced that my God never forsakes me.
He never leave.
He is always near.
And He has shown His true character.
I’ve experienced that my God always holds His promises - that has been given to me.
He promised me healing for my wounds.
He promised me vings to fly.
He promise to always provide. 
Promise that for me - He always has time.
He promised me a man - and I know we’ll meet someday soon.
He has promised me you and I long to be treated right.
I will not be living my life once more in fight or flight.
I long to be loved the right way He’ll convince me that I deserve.
Cause He says that I am a rare pearl.
I trust Him wholeheartedly.
I go wherever He sends me.
And He must really think you have it in you.
Cause if not - He wouldn’t have picked you.

I long to see your smile, cause I know that
that smilie will brighten my life.
I long to have deep conversations with you, cause I need someone who understands the importance of the truth.
I long to cuddle in your arms, cause I need to feel how much I’m loved for me - yes I have insecurities.
I long to enter our Godly mission,
cause that’s the only thing that actually makes me wanna listen.
Someone who understands that this isn’t fiction.
Someone who has learned the hard way,
but refuses to quit.
Cause he knows what is missing if the shoe doesn’t fit.
I long to meet you, my future husband.
My future - pray until midnight.
My future - I never leave you, if you’re not alright.
My future -  me work it out, this is not a fight.
My future - I love to wake up, and be amazed by His art.
Yes, you will be my future sight.
And thanks to Him I never have to question if this promises is just a might.
He never breaks a promise and He has promised me you to be my shining knight.
Thanks, cause I know my life will be better with you by my side.
Thanks, for choosing me to live with you and enjoying this life ride.
Thanks, for making me your bride and that the knot is tied. 

Sincerely yours,
Future wife