dear mommy

Dear mommy,

Mommy don't you see? Don't you see all the things you do destroying me?

Every last manipulative game you through at me? Telling me i will never be as good as him; no college will ever except you; you're the reason he left; rubbing how good you're doing and how skinny you are in my face?

I wonder how i haven't just done you the favor and ran a blade up my arm one last time for you? is that what you want? to be that mother who pushed their kid that far? the mother who made their child hate them self so much they would take there own life because of it? because if i still lived there. with you. i would of been gone by now. it would of been you how pushed me that far. your constant bragging and putting me down and blaming everything on me. taking all you anger out on me. every single time. you made me this. i apologize for things that aren't even my fault, things i didn't even do. for making me hate every part of myself. everything i was proud of you crushed in a instant. every ounce of happiness you peeled away from me. you made me hate myself so much a ran razors across my skin. i cried myself to sleep. i shut myself in. i pretended to be someone I'm not. i tried so hard to be the daughter you wanted. to make you proud, and you didn't even care.

you.

you ruined me.