Poem -

Decieved love

I like to think that relationships just work, that people get along and are truthful to one another. I grew up watching a happy marriage, two people effortlessly in love, and living life together being truthful. I love him, he's my person yet I cant shake what others told me. That he cheated on me when he went away for the night. They aren't my friends, yet I cant comprehend why someone would make something like that up? I talked to him about it yet he denied it and broke down. I always told myself I'd never be with a cheater yet my situation is different. No one saw anything, its all rumours. Yet why would someone start a rumour like that and not have anything to back it up? And then tell me? It broke me. He's my person, I love him. I feel decieved sometimes however, he follows naked girls accounts, and I confront him and nothing comes from it. I still lie awake at night circling in my mind, or crying in the car unsure of what to do because what is the truth? How am I expected to trust someone who has lied to me before? Do I just never get to know the truth? I sometimes wonder if it would just be better if he came up to me and told me he cheated on me. Yes that would break my heart yet at least I'd know I had a right to the pain I felt. I was no longer questioning my own judgement. He tells me that time is how he will regain my trust, because right now there is nothing. I feel empty sometimes. How is time supposed to heal me when I don't know if I know the truth? I cry every night, and lay sleepless because my head spins wondering what the truth is. Is he telling me the truth? Does he just not want me to break up with him? Do I know the truth, or do I ever get to know it? Maybe time will heal me like he said, or maybe it won't. 

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