Love - when someone makes you say yes to everything,
Hate - when someone makes you say no to everything,
Humour - when you forget who you're supposed to say yes and no to,
Anxiety - when you can't remember if you've changed your pants.
Health - admitting you're an alcoholic, drug addict and pervert,
Downright indecency - denying that you're any of them,
Forgetfulness - thinking you've been married fifty years, not ten,
Realization - being married for ten years, thinking it's fifty.
Deceit - pretending you've read Tolstoy, Nash and Girl magazine,
Actuality - not giving a shit whether you've read any of them,
Hypochondria - thinking that you've got the clap and gonorrhoea,
Awareness - suddenly being told that actually it's true.
Desperation - losing your keys, not being able to enter your house,
Horror - finding them and what awaits you with the rolling pin.