Deliberate

It should be him here not me, no excuse
Words unspoken, wishing he would hear
Burdened with guilt none can excuse
Years gone by, still wishing he was here

I’m the superior; should’ve been me in the lead
It should be me laying there, not him
My body the one full of lead
He should be sitting here, quoting hymn

I promised him I’d always stay close
Seconds went by, an interminable wait
Maintained eye contact, watched his eyes close
Conscience still sags beneath the extra weight

Told him to stay together, not to separate
Tension was high, emotions were taut
Inevitable chaos as we become separate
Ensuing panic, forgetting what was taught

Knew as soon as I saw the wound
His look said we both knew
I knelt beside him, our hands wound
Aside from the blood, his uniform looked new

Feel something inside begin to tear
Breath ragged as my chest begins to seize
Unbidden, the wet trail of a lone tear
Emotions unveiled where no one sees

Rising from his grave; if only it was the converse
Another failed attempt to unburden my soul
Everyone I know gone, come here to converse
All of my friends lie beneath my sole