Personal Growth

I sometimes feel I have nothing to say:
I’m an awkward presence at any social event.
There’s something in me that seems to prevent
Me from connecting:
Trying to be here
But being there, thinking of the past
Where it all happened once.  Scenarios
That are now just fond memories.
Fruitless love and pointless infatuations.
For others the seed has been sown
The love grown
And nature’s had her way with babies:
Somehow I find it all out of reach
We have our destines- everyone each-
It seems to be knowing what to do
What hobbies to keep and who to choose
To marry- then events naturally unfold
Raising children:  the right way to grow old-
And yet for me, I don’t quite know:
I have the seeds but cannot sow.
I’m an introvert- that’s my position
Hard to manage and easily conditioned.
So I live with my neuroses
My worried mind and occasional psychosis
With difficulty coping in the here and now
Trying to hold on, trying somehow.
To cling to the present- to reality
Is sometimes difficult for me,
So I’m an awkward presence as I say,
I hope someday to find my way
Some way to go that can suit me-
Something to do; some way to be.