Dooming Decision

In the dread,
and utter uncertainty,
I have cost,
with a single blow,
what a thousand dreams have meant,
have I caused so much pain,
I can no longer go on,
have I,
in my bashful madness,
ended all hope,
that could ever exist,
in the depths,
of my blackened,
broken heart.
Have I become a Midas,
of more real expectations,
no gold,
or greatness,
but merely the pain,
of human error,
in it's most basic form,
of the utter wreck,
I,
myself,
have made of my life,
and the possibly the other's too,
in destroying myself,
in this most painful manner,
I may have taken him with me.
I fear,
now I am truly alone,
with these problems,
no hope of rescue,
with no dream of hope,
with no right to wish for anything better,
I may have truly doomed myself,
by my own hand,
to my own hand,
a painfully incorrect decision,
to force reality,
onto myself,
so I may end myself,
in the terrible manner,
I have planned,
in my recent slip of consciousness.