Drop Of Light

In spite,
of my attempts to hide away,
to ignore the urges,
I find so hard to hide,
that urge to jump,
from this window,
glass splitting skin,
bars broken free of,
as I try to grasp the reality I wish to ignore,
that I will plummet,
into that sweet embrace,
of utter bliss,
in eternal nothingness.
I wish for nothing,
but to be free,
not an angel or a demon,
not a statistic,
of another life gone,
or a sad story,
not a reminder of what grief can do,
or a pitied look no one can ignore,
I want to be a nothing,
I want to let you be free,
this glass slicing me so deeply,
I will go one way or another,
I want nothing,
but to let us both be free.
I have hated,
this world deeply,
as I get worse,
I hate it even more,
wishing to drop from here as soon as possible,
I want to slip,
but then that drop of light slips in again,
with its little,
a smile,
for that girl,
with so curly hair,
or that boy,
with eyes so blue,
one could swim away in them.
The in that smile,
for people who make so little difference,
I find nothing of the person I was,
I still know I will want to jump but the temptation,
dies in my heart,
as the light shines on my head.