The effect of Emotional Deprivation

How desperately have I tried to escape feeling the way I do

I weigh my options, ignoring my feelings,

seeing you kneeling, I am left reeling

I am filled with

The overwhelming sensation of pain and devastation

overwhelmed and abhorred by the two.

I wake up in bed unable to move

Realizing that I will never be with you.

You are horrible for me and I question the truth,

Floating within the sea spectrum

Of Endless hues

Alone I drown within the blues

Afraid to face the fact that I crave abuse

It is the first mad love I have grown to know

It turns me on being told the word “no”

Crawling on the ground I grasp for control

Because I feel the need to play the role

To dominate and run the show

When maybe I want to recreate

An artificial mental state

That drives me to build unwanted gates

To protect my heart from cold debates

Making statements, telling lies

Hiding beneath a veiled disguise

A blind is lifted from my eyes

The mirror reflects what I am trying to hide

I am terrified of my own reflection

Escaping fate with cruel deception

Wanting to be loved and wanting to serve

I receive the treatment I don’t deserve

Regardless of the fact that it may be what I want

Lost and confused

My past teases and taunts

The reality that I refuse to accept

That I am a creature who is love inept

Hating the ones who truly give me love

Loving the ones who are holding the guns

The pistol is pointed towards the back of my head

Holding their hand I smile happily

walking closer towards the edge

A silly fool I am, a hopeless romantic to boot

I drown them in love until they are forced to shoot

I turn around and see the gun pointed towards me

Secretly hoping that they would reward me

I finally see through their treacherous disguise

Noticing the tears within their eyes

My heart grows cold from what I see

Without a word I turn towards the edge

Diving face first towards the sea

I lay face down on the shore

Consumed by the bitter misery

That I expected to visit me

Trying hard to be strong

Always forgiving the ones who do me wrong

This is the treatment that I’ve endured for so long

This trend is the cause of the ties that mend

A fabric of dependency that lies within me

The destructive masochistic tendency

Allowing others to take advantage of, abuse, and torture me