Endings and Beginnings

I had seen the end so many times
... it wears a different face and each and every time the circumstances under which it finds me are
...foreign.
I have seen it so many times that I cannot count them-
yet..
all it took was once.
one moment of weakness. one moment of not knowing if surviving was the healthiest choice.
one moment... to make a shaky decision.
maybe.. to end this. to rest. to make it all stop
for an infinite minute.
like I had begged it to.. like I sometimes still beg for.
but it was also in that one moment, that my perspective flipped.
and I learned a lesson..

life.. is... weird.
people are fickle and most relationships,
expendable.
but what is not expendable is.. this business of living
although it is difficult and confusing.
unfair, and at times, desolate.
it is.. a gift? a miracle?
... a stroke of luck?
unimportantly important -
over all, an experience not worth giving up to the waiting, repungent arms of adversity.

I've seen the end.. so many times.
I've seen the sobering darkness and the grim corners of my reality... so many times.
but I've also seen the sunrise, turn a daunting inky night sky into a beautiful fusion of blue and pink; flecked with the stars that burn to bright to be put to shame by the early morning light... ive seen it.. so many times.
I've been pulled into its beauty and inspired by it... so many times.
I've written about it.. I've waited for it.. so many times.

after every end I've seen... there has also been a beginning that I haven't.
because I was blind. but now.
after just one moment.
I've stopped looking back at the darkness
and started looking forward, to the light