Fartology

How did the phrase “Spitting Image” originate
Seems kinda gross to me
Now here's something I've often wondered about
Do Queens expectorate... surely Kings do
For that matter, they pass wind too
Some people... okay some men...
Make a big production out of passing wind
Lifting one leg and doing a slow fist pump
Followed by a “whoooooeeeeee
That surely was one of my best ones ever!”
Strange how us so-called sophisticated humans
Sometimes pretend the foul odor was perpetrated
By someone else in the room
Suspiciously looking around holding our nose
And waving our other hand saying
“Wow! Something must have died up there!”
Bodily functions are as normal as apple pie
Uh, that's not really a good analogy!!!
We used to call it “passing wind”
Now a much more sophisticated definition has evolved
According to the dictionary, the word “fartology”
Is simply defined as the act of loudly expelling air
Through the aperture in one's derriere
You are not far from the end
Another sign that you ain't no spring chicken
Is when you repeat the same sentence twice in a row
Is when you repeat the same sentence twice in a row
Also when you forget to zip up after you pee
What's worse though is when you forget to zip down
When everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work
It feels like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere
Your knees buckle but your belt won't
You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there
You sing along with elevator music
You have a dream about prunes
Your nose and ears are hairier than your head
In dog years you're dead
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional
And finally... inside every old person is a young person
Wondering what the hell happened!