Fumbling

I found myself fumbling, attempting to follow in your footsteps, thinly outlined on a path I’d already outgrown. 
Tumbling, wanting to hold onto something that was gone long ago. 

Crumbling, head rested on my tear-soaked pillow, acid-stained and wishing for purity, clarity. 
It was there all along, only I refused to see it.  
I lost myself, trying to find you.  
Find the you that I thought I knew, through miles of distance and long-winded phone calls. 
I wanted to be needed, and you needed me- for a while.
I gave myself, my heart, to a shell of a person, an energy vampire who could only take.
I’m taking myself back now.  
And I have no regrets.
This is who I am.  I love love.  I help the wounded.  I’m a fixer.
But I cannot fix you.  I can only fix the parts of me that allowed me to be pulled into your darkness for too long.
                          ~kjl