Gone Toxic

 
I need you, but you need them.

I fight but I will never win. 

 

The struggle is real just to keep your attention,

Every day finding more shit that u failed to mention. 

 

U look down on me, & put me thru inspection.

When my actions were only of your own reflection. 

 

I hated myself to stoop to your low.

But how that shit felt, I just thought you should know.

The picking fights daily just so you could go,

Run around with your whores and then call ME the Hoe. 

 

The flipping the script never fooled anyone.

A tale as old as time, the accuser the guilty one.  

 

Refuse to take in what you steady dish out. 

While you say that I call on the homeboys for clout.

You don't want to stay here, yet refuse to get out. 

Keep destroying my shit, WHAT THE FUCK's that about? 

 

You know what I've seen and you know what I've read.

Yet you're making shit up about ME in your head. 

I did not have those other men lay in my bed, 
but the things I HAVE done have already been said.
You're fucked up in the head, boi go get you some MEDS.

Shit you only come here to get cleaned up or fed. 

You don't help with a thing and you'd leave us for dead.

Look at the rage and the pain that u feel,

at the THOUGHT that I did something not even real. 

 

Have you not for one moment reflected on that?

Put yourself in my shoes times 100 like that.

You watch me get skinny while you steady get fat.

I'm dying from stress you don't care about that. 

 

The things that I've done are mere drops in your bucket. 

 

I'm drowning in your ways and all you say is FUCK IT. 

 

There are two little boys that see this everyday.

On God I will kill you if they start acting that way. 

 

They should be just learning to live with respect.

But instead they see this so what should we expect? 

 

Secrets and photos with which I TRUSTED you.

You sent them to randoms, posted on Facebook too! 

 

I can go on for days, hurt but I still pretend, 

 

but it's just like this poem, it did not have to end. 

 

I've always been told it's never too late to change. 

We've lived Heaven and Hell and that's an impressive range. 

 

Why would I want to try, people think that I'm stupid.

The heart wants what it wants, once you're struck by the Cupid. 

 

Did we still have a chance, could it all be forgiven?

Day to day, fight to fight, this BULLSHIT was NOT livin'. 

 

After all you still hold a dark place in my heart.

I'm so pissed and confused at how shit fell apart.

But in hindsight it's clear, we were apart from the start. 

 

I've gone all this way without mentioning sex,,,,

Well that love life is dead so let's pay our respects. 

 

Any two people can just do the deed,

But there's only a few that can make your heart bleed.

And that happens to be just what some of us need. 

 

Well it's called trust and comfort when they smell like home.

Just sniffing them makes you get lost in your zone.

I could be lost for miles never feeling alone,

but then Satan STRIKES hard when you unlock their PHONE. 

 

All of a sudden your whole life is changed, 

and you realize your feelings have such a large range. 

 

From hurting to anger to plain disbelief,

that's the one you call home is a liar and Thief. 

 

After stealing my heart and just telling it lies,

your only defense is to say "she fucks guys" 

 

Yeah I've learned my lesson but I'm not the teacher,

I've learned not to try to teach shit to the preacher. 

 

Numbers in phones under fictitious names,

I deserve so much more than those piece of shit games. 

 

Out running around cheating on me with lames,

whether you had sex or not it's all cheating the same. 

 

The only thing now that is hurting so bad,

is how much I still loved you and missed what we HAD.

But if I added up all the good times versus bad,

i's only like 2 WEEKS, and that shit's fuckin  sad. 

 

You know who you are and you KNOW what you do,

I still loved you the same after knowing it too....

I just wish that I would have been enough for you,

but nothing makes you happy, I've tried and it's true. 

 

We can argue for days and write poems by night,

but battle for battle this whole thing was a fight. 

 

Real love will be addicting and fun.

What we have here is bullshit, it's time to be done.

I'm sorry that I wasn't really your ONE,

next time let her know so she can choose to run. 

 

I can say all this shit till I'm blue in the face, 

but there's still something missing that I can't replace.

It's the way that I felt when I looked at your face. 

 

Seems no matter what happens this feeling remains,

the only way to shake it is blow out my brains,

or stick something evil inside of my veins? 

YUCK, FUCK NO and FUCK YOU I think I will refrain.

Cuz I now know it's NOT ME, and that YOU are INSANE. 

 

Damn, but why does it hurt me so badly to win?

Who cares, bitch. You do you *WHILE I FIND ME AGAIN!!!!!!!* 

 

                    **Damn, I missed ME

                                           😘

 

 

 

 

 

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