Goodbye letter to Jenny #1 uneddited

She will never read this but that's okay....

My dearest Jennifer,

To be honest this isn't easy, although I may act all happy, inside all I feel like doing is crawling up in a ball and crying, but I won't let that happen I'm strong and independent, but most in all I'm in love, I truly care for you, I don't know what I'd do if you died or just left, I'd become a wreck, I don't care what happens or what you do, rather if you fuck 13 other guys or get fat or ugly il still love you the same, il still wish to be with you, hell IM still wishing to come over this weekend, life just has a funny way of shoving shit in your face, I guess that's one way of putting it, when you think all your dreams are coming true, you realize it was to good to be true, and your fucked, and soon after wishing you'd just die, Jenny I love you, I want to be with you, baby I'm actually crying right now thinking of you, hell I did everything for you, I did things no one else would ever do, heck I was thinking of the future, I even got a house so when we graduate we could move in together, and I began investing so we would have money, I started a career that would help improve our lives, I made plans for us to have honeymoons and even marriage, baby I wanted to be together forever, but then boom you dumped me, iv changed my entire life for you, literally changed everything, I was emo, I hid behind everyone, never talked, used to take the beatings, used to get bad grades, but now, iv began to change and improve for us, il try to name off a few I won't name off all of them, I began to socialize witch was huge for me, I held your hand for the first time witch was a huge deal I was a germaphobe but got over that for you, I began writing poems for you! And hand writing them to, iv written you over 29 things and I bet you've only read about 5, I shaved and began looking sexy for you, I began working out everyday, got a six pack just because I knew you liked them, went out of my way and worked for money so we could go on dates, I bought you expensive jewelry just because I wanted to, I listened to all of your stories and heart wrenching past, I always stood up for you, and stayed by your side, walked you to all of your classes, faced life and death and choose you instead, baby I could go on forever, but sadly I can't, I can't sleep knowing we're apart yet so close, it's 3:47AM and I'm restless, thinking of you, baby you know id risk my own life just so you'd have one extra day, I'd take my life so you wouldn't have to, I'd break the law, just to see you smile, I'd do all the kinky things you'd asked me to, my heart was at your demand, but hearing you say that we were through, broke my heart in two,
Half stayed with me, but the rest with you, forever you will own, as if a love lost and gone, you'd of missed out on so much, baby I don't wish to be with anyone else, you've seen the way I get around other girls, and guys, I chose you, I didn't choose anyone else, I chose you, I kissed you, I fell for you, forever il be with you, maybe not in the way I'd wished but in a way il be, and when you decide you miss me, il be here,
Arms right open, waiting for yours, because to me, I'm nothing without you, all I am is a lonely hearted man....
I know how hard things are for you, and your probably going through a lot, but have you ever thought what I was going through, how I always felt, you have no clue the pain and cruelty I go through everyday, I don't talk about all my problems, because I know you've got your own, but there small ones, mine I have to deal with for life,
Remember I'm a cutter meaning scuicidal, I sit up every night with a blade slicing huge gaps in my arm, sad angry confused depressed, my past is terrifying, watching my mothers being beaten everyday, trying to stop it, then getting beaten yourself for interfering witch I often did every night, until that one day, when it went to far, or the fact that I was hit or shoved kicked called names by others, I was a loser a no one, I was worthless, and I hated that, everyone hated me, because I was different, because I never spoke, witch made me a perfict target, witch is what got me stabbed in the stomach that one day, and this kind of things happen daily, sure it slowed but the names haven't, baby I could go on forever about my sucky life, you could as well, we've both been down a rocky road, but honestly I'm sure you could care less about my past, or all the things that happened to me, I mean do you care about me, if I died today would you remember me tomorrow or the day after, would you care, or just move on, I am just so lost, you said it was one thing, but I think it's another, what's wrong with me, am I stupid, are you embarrassed to be seen with me, am I that bad, am I ugly, tell me and il fix it, is it because I am poor, or I'm unpopular, or I'm depressing, or I am just not enough, or is it because you fell for another, 
I don't care all I know is I can't think clearly without you!