Grey Rainbow

As the sun glow is expelled by darkness,

I pour myself a whiskey and ice,

Sitting in my favourite spot to relax,

Distant traffic pollution, somehow soothing,

Smell of freshly cut garden in the air,

The thoughts of the day’s reality leave me,

Staring through my framed garden,

 Into the distance, blurred visions surround me,

A shadow of uncontrolled feelings overcome me,

Flashes of after life seems a reality,

A tunnel vision of anguish appears,

Pasts flickering, streaming like an 8mm 1950 movie,

Cries of pain, laughter start to echo in my minds space,

Ghostly whispering and screams mashed together,
Pitter-patter of children and drowned out laughter,

Smell of cooking emanating from somewhere,

Thoughts of past racing in my mind,

A panicked endless fall,

Body shivering with cold sweats, hot flushes,

Sounds of shattering crockery,

Voices of anger, cries of sadness,

Attempts to stop is consumed and relentless,

Locked in a barbed wire prison,

My awoken nightmare of past,

I cannot flush my mind,

Rocking to force a sleep, anxiety and paranoia,

Mind not resting, becoming drained,

Tsunami of confusion overwhelms,

Tossed around in emotional waves

Background words I hear,

 May I pour you another?

May I pour you another?

Tunnel fades, dark blur disappears,

Muffled sounds, flicker of memories silent,

Close call of stuck in my past, no return,

Saved from my inner grey rainbow,

Left for another day perhaps,

A beautiful image forms in front of me,

My body jerks out of numb stillness,

A clearer voice I hear,

Are you okay, she asks?

May I pour you another?

My voice of saving grace now vivid,

A perfect body outline no longer rigid,

Thank you for being here, I say,

I embrace her tightly,

Words I say, that physical touch,

Mean more, than can be explained,

One day, you will understand,

Love turns my grey rainbow to colour,

I love you.