Hanging By a Thread
Where there is God, there is love
Where here is God, all things are possible
YUCK!! Those hypocritical words taste like vinegar
Although I try my best to be a "good Christian"
I feel it's just a role I have to play
A personality that I borrow
My faith is hanging by a thread
A thread ready to break
I hold on tight
Although my brain reminds me how foolish this is
My faith first left me as an eight year old girl
Asking if their is God, then why do I see so much evil?
The man who hurt me is still a free man, living a happy life
And here I am re dressing the wounds that sting to the deepest part of my soul
Where there is God, there is deceit
Where there is God there is disappointment
And somehow I still have the tiniest shred of hope, faith perhaps
Hope that God is just testing me
Or is he mocking me
Hanging by a thread
You WILL judge me for doubting in God
That's what normal people do
Judge you for not being like them
My borrowed personality represents me when I detach myself from Gods name
This role I have to play is exhausting
Confusing me, who am I really?
I am a tormented girl who's faith is hanging by a thread
Say what the fuck you wanna say, go ahead try to convince I am wrong and God is merciful
Flap your fucking mouth, you won't convince me otherwise
Every christian in the world has tried to brainwash me
I have heard all your fairy tail whore stories before
I pray and plead for help
I am talking to the fucking wall
Forgive me God, I am just upset
There I go again, talking to another wall
Will I be saved, can I quit this role playing some day
What I would give to truly believe
But I quit believing in magic when I was eight years old
"I can relate", "i know what you are going through, it's just a phase"
Twenty four years is a long fucking phase
Oh no I said a cuss word
I am going to hell with my shitty attitude
I can't completely disbelieve, I have seen the devil, so God must be there too
He is awfully good at hiding and letting things slide
Forgive me God
You have stomped my face in the dirt too many times
If you are good show me a sign
"look at all your blessings, tell me that's not God"
Bitch, I worked my ass for those "blessings"
Never has anyone ever handed me a dime
I work day and night
I have seen so much wicked that there is no room for Holy acts
Here I am hanging on to the little faith I have left, hoping my life will see some justice
That faith is hanging by a thread.
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Comments
Well cherie I have tried my whole life to try and believe, through the good and the bad, truth is even thru all my efforts I am not even half way there. It's good you saw a vision of Christ, some might call that insanity actually, I know you are sincere. If one would say they had a vision of Christ it would be accepted, if one is seeing visions of demons they are schizophrenic. No matter how you try to convince me God is real, It won't make a difference, it's something I have to find for myself, and despite my doubts I still hold on and keep looking for answers, but it's hard, and I say this to you with the highest respect, just because I have a hard time finding my own faith, I will not ridicule your own. I am not atheist I am just having a hard time finding my way
Amber, you`re writing some superb poetry, my friend...I find myself at your page quite a lot these days, liking the raw energy and passion radiating in this poem....been trying to figure out the process in your writing, it is really unique, I like it....reads to me like a structured thought stream, words are leaping off the page...animated and engaging work....the subject matter is relevant and thought to provoke as well...it`s not easy to convey emotion like this and hold the reader, seems effortless for you....impressive
Hey Christopher, sometimes I feel like my poetry is more of journal entries perhaps. Thank you for your kind words, glad you enjoyed
Such an honest piece Amber, telling your inner thoughts , raw as they are but true and from your heart. Pleased you still have faith even if it's hanging by a thread, it's still real faith!
May that thin thread learn to grow and thicken with real divine substance, God is faithful even when we think he's not. Take care, keep writing on all of your heart!
Thank you Gordon I am trying my best
A personal crisis in faith.
Well done. And considering everyone including Christ himself has had one, something needed for our pious times.
Thanks Kimmy
Hey amber I believe in Jesus but I would not push that on you . I would just tell you why I believe the way I do. I don't brainwash anybody . I have friends who don't even believe in God but I do not judge them for it ,that is not my place .I will tell someone why I believe the way I do but I won't shove it down your throat . My respect and understanding rock
Thanks Rock, finally someone who understands and has their own believes and doesn't make me feel like an asshole for not being so sure. Just about everyone believes, I suppose its the normal human thing to do, thank you for not pushing your beliefs on me. At times it makes me feel disrespected when people do that. Thanks for reading you are awesome