Having Never Found You- Again

Last night I dreamt of every overwhelming moment of close connection between you and I

I dreamt of every important event, significant conversation and every moment of emotional, spiritual bliss
That we experienced together

I relived every whispered confession and promise
Every joyful tear and ecstatic sigh

Starting from our last sunny happy day together and working back to the very first moment that started building this bond that nothing can sever

It would have been a paradise of endless joy that I would have gladly been lost in forever

Only...

Every moment that I relived
Feeling every overflowing emotion just as I did the first time

Was then erased

I don't know how I knew this, but as our time together rewound you were being removed from my life, from my reality, one moment at a time

It felt like each of my ribs being slowly ripped from my body

To reach to and distroy my heart

Like part of myself was being painfully burned away

I woke up in my old apartment in my bed
Alone
Before we had ever met

You had not even been real
Or maybe it was that you were real no longer

I woke up, again, to find my face and pillow soaked with the tears shed throughout the night

In a panic I found you in the dark and asked over and over if you were still here

If you were still real

As you lightly stroked my skin with your finger tips and whispered words of comfort to calm me

Clearly still very much asleep

I realized that nothing we could go through together
No problems or hardships we could cause each other
Could ever be as painful and traumatic
as having never found you