Hazey Memories

The first day I met her she was that cute chick in my French class,

I had low self-esteem and she was the first cute brown girl I talked to in high school

I didn't know the 2 of us would ever be friends, but it happened…

We became best friends, we talked every day. From day to night talking about random things

In the 3rd year, I told her how I felt but I got the response all the dudes usually get, "I think we should stay friends",

the daggers stayed in my back for months, not knowing what to do.

Choosing to hide my feelings rather than tell anyone.

After a while, it felt like everything was alright. For a second it seemed like the feelings were gone but who was I trying to kid?

After 5 months of believing I was done, there was a constant thought of "What if I were to tell her?"

but things changed, we did, and those talks died down.

The fights increased until they hit a boiling point where we were just done.

Or so I thought….

I finished my classes at 6 when I got my call from my dad but I didn't respond.

I got home and my mom told me he was in an accident.

I'm not scared to say it, as tears fell from my eyes when I saw him on the stretcher, coming home that night wasn't the best,

but she was there. She was the first person in who I found comfort.

When she told me how she felt about me I had to reread what she said 7 times over,

and over and over again to believe it was real. I thought I was dreaming.

When I realized it was real...It felt like the bullshit I went through was worth it for that moment.

Every time I went to go see her I looked in the mirror 8 times before I got out of my house, thinking I still look like shit.

9 times out of 10, I questioned if I was right for her, so I tried my best to be beyond amazing,

just so I could continue, and measure up to her, to show her how much she meant to me...as a best friend, and now a girlfriend

It’s been 10 days since she told me those feelings, and the whole relationship shouldn't have happened, and as hurt, I have a smile painted on my face

As my brain questions why it stays quiet and tells me to move on

I look the way I look so I can hide my feelings

Hiding behind my beard, cause you could see my frown if I didn't have it

Scars will fade, but it sucks for a person who rewinds every moment 20 times a day.