Headspace

I never know when it will hit
But when it does it hits hard and fast
Destroying everything in its path
Every bit of happiness, and confidence that I so carefully build once it leaves
The cycle is vicious and never ending
It comes at the most random times
Making my headspace a mess of jumbled emotions
Depression is like the ocean
It comes in waves
There's always some measure of calm after one then the next one slams into you taking your breath away 
No matter how many times you catch your breath it is always knocked out of you
My headspace is like I'm drowning over and over again without any hope of a life vest
Sometimes all I want is for the current wave to be the last one
The one where the cycle ends
But that is never the case
So I live my life in a constant state of drowning and coming up
It gets manageable over time but never predictable 
Some waves more intense than others
Yet in the moments of calm is where I keep my sanity
I just wish the calm could last a little longer than the waves sometimes