help

It starts with silent shouting in my head. Telling myself i've done wrong again. I'm angry, sad and confused. I want things to be clear again. This fuzzy world doesn't feel like home. I need help. 

My tears flood my bed like waves on a rough day. Hair sticks to my face in a sweaty clump. I become a monster, the weakest version of me. Yet so strong for  not giving in. For not letting pain overtake me like before. Still. I need help. 

Although broken a thousand times before, my heart hurts all the same. I know it's my fault for feeling this way. I know there's something wrong with me. I'm young. I'm free. But i'm so old. So trapped. My mind is a labyrinth. My own personal prison in which i cannot escape. I need help. 

I'm not myself anymore. I don't remember happy. I give up. I don't care. Lies. I care too much. I try too hard. I remember happy but I can no longer feel it. I am myself but I don't want to be anymore. I need help. 

I can talk but no one listens. I can hear but no ones talking. A viscous circle of pain and misery and unknowing. I need help. 

They ignore my cries until it's too late.  I am forever knowing but not knowing. Feeling too much but feeling too little. I am gone yet I am still here. I need help. 

I need help.