Poem -
Homicide (Weekly Contest 9/12-9/18)
Death has come to play
in the field with me today.
He gave me a gun
and said "Go do it son."
So I walked down the street
sucking on a sugary sweet.
Humming a tune in my head
wondering who'd wind up dead.
But all along I knew
it was always going to be you.
I came through the door and up the stairs
hoping to catch you unaware.
I saw him there in the room
the gun raised and sounded two booms.
You stared at me as you died,
your dead lover at your side.
Death appeared to me again
like he had to so many men.
He said "Good job son,
now your time has come.'
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Comments
Hey LILY!!...... this is a VERY creative narrative piece!!...... the poetic prose pops beautifully and his enhanced by the subtle use of dialogue!!..... an excellent use of phrasing to paint powerful images that stick with the reader long after the read is over!!..... to wit ~ "You stared at me as you died, your dead lover by your side"......smokin' grooves dear poet sister!!...... FISTFUL-O-STARS!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!.......T xo ?☀✴✳♥
Thank you so much Tony! This is actually very very far out of my little bubble of comfort so I'm quite pleased you liked it! For one, usually I write from the female perspective. Then for two, I don't really write narrative pieces, which lately I'm seeming to venture and experiment with them. I've been testing out the use of a bit of dialogue as well. I must say it's taking me longer to write them but I'm finding out I like the newness and difficulty and I'm glad it seems like it's paying off! Thank you again! Always look forward to your comments!! :)
xxxxxLily
Another CSI on Cosmo? I enjoy reading this // chilling //
This is excellent! The storytelling in it is great.
-MK
Chilling!
J xx
Amazing piece of work -many congrats
Intriguing read; suspense
I like the pace
The theme
The chillingness
In a world of danger
This piece speaks volumes
.... good job Lily
best ffffrom Jai:)))))
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