Hope

Prayer was soft and a dull whisper
out of embarrassment because I 
knew that the opposite was the result of my
prayer.
I never had much luck with religion.
The church goers were an army full of
knowledge of my weakness
and the Bible was their map.

My prayers were to dissolve the 
darkest thunderstorms fighting
itself in my head.
Usually that only created more rain.
The prayers resembled a mediocre weatherman
trying to raise your hopes so you
can have that picnic you planned weeks ago
only to end the broadcast with a
sad smile
warning you how bad you truly are in
for it.
 
And God is my ex lover.
God ignored every plea for attention.
He disappeared if I became too needy
for what he was capable of giving.
God watched me beg for mercy only to give me a bigger mountain 
in need of climbing.

I believe it was persuasion as to
push me to my very limit
to exceed my expectations of 
how prayer works.
Because prayer isn’t a small fix.
Prayer is a house fallen to its knees after the
hurricane ripped it down to the studs.
Prayer is another tragedy that will prepare you
so you won’t need God for the rest of them.