Poem -
HOPELESS LOVE
I’d die a death for you
I’d break my heart in two
I’d swallow my own pride
My hurt I’d try and hide
Not a bad word I would say
Not a sentence I wouldn’t serve
Not a verse I couldn’t write
For our love I would preserve
Never stopping what you start
Never taking all you give
Never holding back on love
It’s your heart I need to live
There’s nothing you could say
There’s everything I’d do
There’s no one to get in the way
Of my hopeless love for you .....x
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Comments
very nicely penned and presented, Rachel.
i've a couple of teensy suggestions for you to use or not, as you see fit:Â
'There’s everything I’d do'  the line ends too abruptly, mayhaps 'I would'?
this would smooth the flow, and:
'There’s no one to get in the way'  this line seems a tad too long.
deleting 'to get' would put this right, methinks.
hope this is of some help, and thank you for sharing.
regards  eph
Thanks for your comments Ephraim. Â Was a little bit of an off the cuff write and I can see what you mean about the second line you suggested. Â May have a think!! Â :)
Love it Rachel x:)
Cheers Jason :)
Ahhh the power of love. Â Beautifully written and expressed Rachel. :)
Thanks Poppy :)
Thanks Susan, glad you enjoyed :)
Thanks Mahlatse :)
lovely romantic write rachel congrats x
Thanks Susan :)
"You can't find logic in the chambers of the human heart" ....not sure who quoted that, but one of my favorites.