Poem -

How Do I Say Politely?

How Do I Say Politely?

With family and friends all arriving in tow
the atmosphere’s building up well,
with Christmas now past and a New  Year to come
I’m debating how best I can tell....
These friends, either bloodline
or known from the past,
whose company I just adore,
who  when I am  cooking within my domain
will keep coming through my kitchen door!
“Oh please let me help” is the usual cry
“It’s not fair that you’re out here alone!”
They lean on the worktop all chatty and bright
and  show me their lives on their phone..
I feign a polite “oh your dogs are so sweet,
and  the hats they have on are such fun”
What I really should say is “please just go away
I am cooking and I need no one!”
They will all insist that they all should assist
In the cooking of food I have planned,
they never can see that a hindrance they be
and  I’d much rather wish they were banned.
Please return to the area where others are met
and go fill up your empty wine glass,
I’ll soon have it done, and much quicker I think
with you not  hanging onto my arse!
So Happy New Year and I wish you good cheer
may you days be all peace and no bitchin’
You are here as my guest, now please go join the rest
and leave me alone in my kitchen !
 

Like 3 Pin it 1
Support CosmoFunnel.com

Support CosmoFunnel.com

You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.

Log in to leave a comment.

Comments

author
A Lonely Journey

LOL! 
Grammy, you rule. You're fun, and you often use the word 'arse', which is humorous to us aborigines in America. LOL. 
So true, and hilarious. Sometimes I pull out a small, eight foot scythe to shoo them away, and they love it. 
Anyway, I really enjoyed that. Thank you for making me laugh on this dismal, NY day. 
Matthew. 

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Is that you in the picture? I like it! I love your dress. How do you pick up that giant milk though? Thanks. 
M. 

Reply
author
lodigiana

Yes it’s me but you might have noticed that  my arms and legs are bandaged as we have an infestation of the mighty milk bugs in the kitchen ..they are truly frightful little perishers darling! they ferociously bite ones extremities and then try to steal the milk..which is why I keep it in such a huge bottle and so pleased you like my dress..awfully ‘a La Mode’ isn’t is? 

Reply
author
A Lonely Journey

Grammy! 
I love your silly side! It's so wonderful! I occasionally am crazy on here, and insanity loves company, so thanks. 
Oh yes! Your arms are bandaged, aren't they? I thought that was a shirt originally, but it looks as though you've been struck by a pram, or tram, or something of a large, English, transport system. Oh, your poor arms! I wish I could be there to assist you with your giant jug of milk, but I'm lactose intolerant. (actually, I'm not, but it sounded good, as I'm far too tired to board a flight to Britain). Anyway, I'm sending some of my arms over so you can use them to assist you. Thanks! 

M. 

Reply
author
lodigiana

Thank you for your kind offer of limbs...but as you know i am most lethal when 'armless so whilst much appreciated  you take those limbs and give yourself a good hug and pretend it's from me...you Grammy across the sea ! xx

Reply
author
lodigiana

I wish my lovely pals would realise that having them ‘trying’ to help by constantly asking ‘where do you keep your dishes/knives/ salt/wooden spoons??? etc etc..drives me  loopy and to then have to stop what I am doing and show them,completely takes me out of my eaky,freaky control zone! Pass that scythe!! Haha and yes I love saying ‘arse’at every appropriate occassion..I do sometimes adjust it to ‘Ass’ for my transatlantic cousins though...haha Thank you my honorary.I am  so pleased if it made you smile we all need a little sunshine every day ..Your Grammy xx

Reply
author
StevieC

This made me laugh so much..this is EXACTLY you!,, I neve4 go near the kitchen when you are ‘creating’ Love this xx

Reply
author
lodigiana

You are absolutely correct..my kitchen is MY place!  Haha 

Reply
author
Jim "The Lad" ....

lol!..............................................................................................................Jim

Reply
author
lodigiana

Hi Jim,  I sound a real dragon don't I? but really, truly and honestly I would love people to relax, chat and have a drink  and be ready for the feast I am preparing rather than think I need 'chatting to'  which I don't..the only exception I will make to coming in my kitchen whilst I am 'creating' is to ensure my wine glass is kept topped up! Despite all this though I love my adorable, scatty  friends and family and wouldn't change them for the world! I do hope that it  gave you a smile my friend! Thank you for reading it. Lodigiana x

Reply
Poem -

Wasted Love

Wasted Love

Don’t tell me that love’s never wasted,
there’s always a little remains,
that love never dies...

Poem -

Goodbye

Goodbye

Almost in silence you appeared.
Pushing all else to one side and relentlessly
embedding...

Poem -

Live it Well

Live it Well

An image staring back at me
a face I don’t yet know,
The mirror says ‘I never lie
you’...

Latest poems in Comedy

Poem -

Ashen faced Prometheus...

Ashen faced Prometheus aghast at inferno gone awry

Whether arsonist at fault
or confluence of ripe conditions
triggering perfect firestorm,...

Poem -

"Aliens!" I...

"Aliens!" I shouted above the roar of the blaze.

Please rescue us from this godforsaken place
veritable hellscape, where angels fear ingress....

Poem -

Upon a dark and stormy...

Upon a dark and stormy night...

as jagged bolts of lightning
tore thru the the midnight clear
and figuratively ripped the sky...

Advertise on CosmoFunnel.com