How Do I Say Politely?
With family and friends all arriving in tow
the atmosphereâs building up well,
with Christmas now past and a New  Year to come
Iâm debating how best I can tell....
These friends, either bloodline
or known from the past,
whose company I just adore,
who  when I am cooking within my domain
will keep coming through my kitchen door!
âOh please let me helpâ is the usual cry
âItâs not fair that youâre out here alone!â
They lean on the worktop all chatty and bright
and  show me their lives on their phone..
I feign a polite âoh your dogs are so sweet,
and  the hats they have on are such funâ
What I really should say is âplease just go away
I am cooking and I need no one!â
They will all insist that they all should assist
In the cooking of food I have planned,
they never can see that a hindrance they be
and  Iâd much rather wish they were banned.
Please return to the area where others are met
and go fill up your empty wine glass,
Iâll soon have it done, and much quicker I think
with you not hanging onto my arse!
So Happy New Year and I wish you good cheer
may you days be all peace and no bitchinâ
You are here as my guest, now please go join the rest
and leave me alone in my kitchen !
Â
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Comments
LOL!Â
Grammy, you rule. You're fun, and you often use the word 'arse', which is humorous to us aborigines in America. LOL.Â
So true, and hilarious. Sometimes I pull out a small, eight foot scythe to shoo them away, and they love it.Â
Anyway, I really enjoyed that. Thank you for making me laugh on this dismal, NY day.Â
Matthew.Â
Is that you in the picture? I like it! I love your dress. How do you pick up that giant milk though? Thanks.Â
M.Â
Yes itâs me but you might have noticed that  my arms and legs are bandaged as we have an infestation of the mighty milk bugs in the kitchen ..they are truly frightful little perishers darling! they ferociously bite ones extremities and then try to steal the milk..which is why I keep it in such a huge bottle and so pleased you like my dress..awfully âa La Modeâ isnât is?Â
Grammy!Â
I love your silly side! It's so wonderful! I occasionally am crazy on here, and insanity loves company, so thanks.Â
Oh yes! Your arms are bandaged, aren't they? I thought that was a shirt originally, but it looks as though you've been struck by a pram, or tram, or something of a large, English, transport system. Oh, your poor arms! I wish I could be there to assist you with your giant jug of milk, but I'm lactose intolerant. (actually, I'm not, but it sounded good, as I'm far too tired to board a flight to Britain). Anyway, I'm sending some of my arms over so you can use them to assist you. Thanks!Â
M.Â
Thank you for your kind offer of limbs...but as you know i am most lethal when 'armless so whilst much appreciated you take those limbs and give yourself a good hug and pretend it's from me...you Grammy across the sea ! xx
I wish my lovely pals would realise that having them âtryingâ to help by constantly asking âwhere do you keep your dishes/knives/ salt/wooden spoons??? etc etc..drives me  loopy and to then have to stop what I am doing and show them,completely takes me out of my eaky,freaky control zone! Pass that scythe!! Haha and yes I love saying âarseâat every appropriate occassion..I do sometimes adjust it to âAssâ for my transatlantic cousins though...haha Thank you my honorary.I am  so pleased if it made you smile we all need a little sunshine every day ..Your Grammy xx
This made me laugh so much..this is EXACTLY you!,, I neve4 go near the kitchen when you are âcreatingâ Love this xx
You are absolutely correct..my kitchen is MY place! Â HahaÂ
lol!..............................................................................................................Jim
Hi Jim, I sound a real dragon don't I? but really, truly and honestly I would love people to relax, chat and have a drink and be ready for the feast I am preparing rather than think I need 'chatting to' which I don't..the only exception I will make to coming in my kitchen whilst I am 'creating' is to ensure my wine glass is kept topped up! Despite all this though I love my adorable, scatty friends and family and wouldn't change them for the world! I do hope that it gave you a smile my friend! Thank you for reading it. Lodigiana x