How many?

I can’t even start
To really add them up
In a grown up way
Like for serious 
Because it would be too sad
To know for sure
To see the actual sum
To admit to it all
To properly recognise
To say  hi and shake the hand
Of all the hundred of hours 
I have spent sat here on my own
With myself
Triple over thinking 
Hours of fun 
But hours
A single parent 
At night in a cell of your own care giving 
I know you’re there
I didn’t 
Too late now
who’d have thought it