I am afraid...

I am afraid of guns.
More specifically being shot and killed by one.
This was not a fear I obtained this year in 2018.
It's one I've had for years,
Since my family moved by the hood and I would hear gunshots almost every night.
"Mom!"
"Yeah?" 
"Mom what was that noise?!
"Oh just fireworks."
Really mom every night even when it isn't a holiday!!?
BANG BANG! 
Yeah that was just a firework.
Not another headline on the news tomorrow that will be forgotten

My first day of seventh grade a kid at my school was arrested for having a pocKet knife
The same kid got held back that year
In eighth grade I went to a presentation on the columbine school shooting
I went back to school after that presentation to hear my school was on lockdown 
All because that same kid had another knife and this time a gun.

This year I moved to a new school system
I heard on the news the school I was supposed to go to got shutdown due to a bomb threat
A few weeks later on march 14th I walked out with 9 other students...
Only NINE out of the 150 at our K-12 school
and all of us were freshman and seniors except for one
Just ONE junior who had wanted to skip class

I never had been so afraid of the smartest kid in my grade.
He said he was going to buy a gun right before I walked out of class and stared out the window at us the whole time the 10 of us were protesting.

The old people in the town I live in always talk about supporting the NRA
Because "School shootings are rare and whats a few lives lost"
To those people I've met...
Your child could be a teacher and be shot protecting their students
Your grandchildren could bleed out on a school floor because you refused to vote for gun control laws
The little children you babysit could be sitting in a hospital room with a flatlining heart monitor

I AM AFRAID OF GUNS
I AM AFRAID OF BEING SHOT AND ENDING UP LIKE HUNDREDS OF OTHER KIDS
I AM AFRAID I'M A TARGET JUST BECAUSE I'M LGBT AND A "NERD" AND A FREAK AND OVERALL DIFFERENT!

I AM SICK OF BEING CALLED A SCHOOL SHOOTER BECAUSE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
I AM SICK OF HAVING TO BE AFRAID 
I AM SICK OF OTHERS HAVING TO BE AFRAID!
AND I WILL FIGHT FOR GUN CONTROL LAWS!!!
AND I WILL NOT BE SILENT!
I WILL SPREAD MY THOUGHTS AND IDEAS
JUST BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT DOESNT MEAN I CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

This world will not become a better place the more you fire off your gun.
It will become a better place the more openly we speak about these issues.
So grab a pen and paper
Grab a megaphone
Grab markers and cardboard
MAKE YOUR OPINION KNOWN
Don't let another shooting happen...
Please...