I just wanted to say

Okay look listen 
I fucking apologize like a million times 

 

But I know saying sorry doesn't fix it 

 

And I'm not rying to be so distant 

 

Cold 

 

Or indifferent

 

And I never realized how by all of this you were so badly affected 

 

Or just how much you feel conflicted It's just you got to know that was never my intention 

 

And I could have never predicted 

 

That while I was losing my identity and everything that made me me

 

That this entire time not only was I losing myself 

 

But I you were losing a part of you too 

 

Because that was the place from within yourself that you kept me 

 

And that means that I became a part of your identity 

 

And I'm sorry you have to believe me 

 

I never meant to cause you to feel

Any of those feelings that you were feeling 

 

And II never meant to push you away  

 

It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to you 

 

It's just feltl so far gone 

 

I just didn't know what to think 

 

And when I would try to talk

Ii just simply couldn't speak 

 

And at times when I almost could .

I was just at lost for words 

and I didn't know what to say 

So i just stayed in this room for days and days 

 

Just simply trying to find any piece of me or sense of my identity

if there was even any left 

 

And I felt like you just hated me

I couldn't figure out why you were so upset or angry 

 

I was just thinking I'm not doing nothing to you 

 

I'm just staying to myself

because I was feeling a type of loss 

 

That I don't believe anyone's ever felt 

It was all I could feel 

couldn't feel nothing else

 

And I was just trying to find some peace of mind

 

Just some kind of way to feel okay 

 

And inside would die and then die again 

 

Iand the entire time I was so removed from myself 

That I was removed from you to

 

That somewhere inside 

 

Because of me being so cold and just jtbe complete absolute ndifference I showed

Made you also feel like a part of you had died

And didn't know

 

And you can't possibly imagine how horrible I feel for that 

And I can't give you that back 

 

I just wish you would have never took it so personally 

 

I know I'll never be able to explain what it is to disassociate 

 

I can only say

I didnt know me or who I was anymore 

 

I didn't know what I was suppose to say 

 

Because with no way to identify 

 

Then how am I supposed to relate 

 

Ii was ust trying to be all right 

 

And Ii feel like shit for this because 

 

I just needed some time and a little space 

 

But I needed to be able to do that without t hurting you 

 

I don't want what I'm going through to be the reason that you have to go through something like that to

 

I never wanted that for you 

 

So just look ok listen 

 

You have to believe me when I say that I fucking apologize like a million times

And I know that sorry doesn't fix it 

 

And you have to know that I would never hurt you like how I hurt inside

 

And that was never my intentions 

 

That Just because I lost myself and I dont know who I am 

 

That Just because I died

 

Because everything that was me

 

Is no longer mine 

 

That my love for you I will always feel 

 

I feel that so deep there's nothing that could take that away from me 

 

And I love you so fucking much 

 

And no matter where I'm at or what's happening with me 

 

I don't want you to think 

 

Or believe 

 

Even for a second 

 

That I don't love you 

 

More than anything 

 

There's nothing in this world that can take that love away

And I just hope that you can forgive me 

 

And just know 'm so so sorry for everything

I just wished that saying sorry could actually fix it 

But it can't 

But still you should hear it anyways

'm so so sorry 

ANd I meant it

when I said that I love you more than anything

and nothing can ever take that away 

Even after having lost myself and knowing I'm not me 

And Regardless of not knowing who I was and having no identity

That that love still remained 

I still felt it despite everything 

And no matter what ever happens 

Just try to remember that I love you with with my entire being 

 Iforever and always

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