I needed it more

I wanted to make a living, but the thing was i never knew how. Money was always on my mind, i thought it was the way to happiness. If I had it, I would've felt complete. Money is money, and it will always have less value then you, it will always lead you to the path that you're  not supposed to take. It will lead you so far in the wrong way that you will end up being lost. I was doing circles to get it. For years I had kept in that cycle, to when there was a time where I had nothing, I was worthless. I felt that a penny was worth more then me, eventhough they are worthless now. I ended up being an absorber, cause I forgot how to give. I felt that i had nothing to give cause all i wanted to do was take, and that was what I ended up doing. Even if I knew it was bad, but I tricked my mind into thinking it was a need, just so I didnt felt as bad as I should've. I always left the guilt behind, and instead I filled it with greed. It kept me in a place I didn't know where I was, but also a place where I didn't want to leave. I thought about having more then what I got, because it wasn't enough. If I gave someone a single dollar away, I was slowing down on my progress of getting more. The thought of giving was hard to consider good. In my head I knew it was, but I needed it more, I needed it more, i needed it more. Repeatedly saying that convincing as much as I could. I did it so much that I tried to convince others that it was true. "I'm homeless", or "I'm hungry." those were my excuse of why I needed more. Getting away with it was even worse, I became the trickster I never knew I could be. Coming up with more ways to make more. I hate it, being stuck in that cycle just kept pushing me furthermore in the want, but not considering the others needs.  Here I am now, learning still, finally opening up my eyes seeing that needs are to be met by me. To be a giver, to be someone who works hard to learn how to give, but also earn to be able to give, I need to stop what I was doing. Well starting to learn how to give.