I Was Never There

Through every argument. 
Every piece of advice.
With all the things I said and meant.
In every device. 
Through all the pictures you’ve captured.
Even when you were the one that I was after. 
The ups. 
The downs.
Your smiles.
Your frowns. 
Your complications.
My girlfriend.
How it balanced out.
But you fell off.
Then we fell out.
Now I feel off. 
But you feel just as good without
I guess it’s the end. 
But you can’t tell me I wasn’t there.
I was there.
I was there. 

Now in 2019 what a hell of a way to start the year. You treat me like I am nothing but wind and air. You can never see me cry as the rain pours. You never saw me when you were all in my head and I wanted more. Of course I should’ve known when you would never open up to me. But I stuck with you any one close to me don’t even have a choice to cut you off but me. I thought if my best friend wasn’t doing their job right I’ll cut them off for you cause you were there luckily. You were my true best friend til the end. Every time we fell out we made amends. Now you’re cut throat. Cut me off with out a tone, It was a sharp note. Nothing can ever explain my pain not even anything that I wrote. That ship has sailed and I can’t even catch up in a boat. So I took a dive in the water. Fuck it to catch up I’ll die and wash up on any harbor.  My life was something you were supposed to be a part of. Now you gotta be something not even thought of. Not brought about. For your feelings thank you for holding out. Even with the words of “here’s my life, take it now” you’ve had 1 up on me, must’ve gave you an extra life wow. Cause you was suffering and I saved you, how? I mean it’s cold how you wouldn’t say it now. I kept you warm the embrace you had to brace for it. We kicked up dust together we had the lace for it. Friendship the face of it. That’s why when you treat me like I was never there, I look at you like it makes no sense.