I was Nine

I was nine when I realized I liked girls
I told the one person at school I trusted
She told everyone else 
And that was how I got called Dyke for the first time
I think about that day constantly 
That day was always a reminder
A reminder that I was and still am different

I was ten when my mom and step dad split up
I blamed it on myself
I didn't realize it then but I was slowly falling into a pit of depression
Then I fell all at once
My mom got rid of my cats 
Truthfully they were my only friends
She said she couldn't take care of them without my dad
The truth was she couldn't even take care of herself
I had a drug addicted alchoholic for a mother
She had 3 children before she was 30 
Yet she couldn't even take care of herself

I was eleven and had just started a new school
I had no friends still and my depression was getting worse
I befriended a tiny diabetic girl and a tall gay boy
My gay friends name was Trevor
And he was also depressed
He was skinny because at home his parents called him fat
He had bruises on his back from his sister getting mad
He had scars on his wrist because he felt he couldn't take it
Little did I know I would end up with those same scars a month later 

I was twelve and covered in scars
I had those same 2 friends and no one else
I had been losing tons of weight
I didn't eat and I honestly felt I was about to break
Little did I know after school ended that year 
I would break 
Blood would drip onto the floor
And 70 pills would slide down my throat

I was 13 when I broke
August 17th the blood started flowing
And all those pills were taken
I waited 17 hours to tell someone
By then the doctors at the hospital said it was probably too late
I was moved to the ICU 
There I saw my heart stop 3 times
The doctors said it stopped at least 5
But I was sleeping and hoping I would never wake up

I was 14 when the trauma happened
I had been in and out of the hospitals 6 times
I was on medications and slowly getting happier
April 17th A man named James took me from my home
I was found a week later 3 states away in Wisconsin
I was in his bedroom when the police came
His adopted son was saying there for the night
I remember the broken look on his face 
His father was a criminal 
And we had both fallen victim

I'm still 14 and it's seven months later
I've moved upstate to a new school
I've got a beautiful boyfriend
And I'm afraid of losing him
My scars are fading
And I'm feeling a lot happier
It's been a crazy fucking life so far
But I've survived
Thanks to my boyfriend I've got a reason to live
I've got a reason now
I've got a purpose
And I know it can get even better