Identity

I roll over to kiss your hair to find myself only holding air
Should it feel like this?

I keep my toes fingers hopes crossed that there isn't another like me
Who's eyes fall on still hearts
And who's sighs fall on beat like a butterfly's wings 
I've been singing this tune for a long while 
I'd hope to close the windows of my pasts
Only to see them waving hi from the looking glass
I wanted to be the new paint instead of old 
Shoes ripping at the seams 
I wanted to be the stars and throw myself across the night sky 
And kiss the noses of cold sweet hearts as they align
I wanted to be the fresh grass cut clean on a Sunday 
But now you stay inside
I wanted to 
I wanted to be
Clean
Crystalline 
Immortalized in my youth
I wanted to stop the sands of time and play in it
Was I a fool?
To think,that I could be the wind whose course seems unknown
Was I a fool?
To think,that if I spilled the ink pot the story wouldn't be written
I thought 
I thought wrong
Now they rip and tear
And pour ideas into my head
And they stuff me with their plastic promises of things I don't want to have
And I know I was good at something
But they said it was a lie 
And now I've forgotten the plot to a story I thought I was author of 
So they'll put me in a paralytic paradise of passing pleasures and time will go by 
I'll forget the name 
But not the places
I won't know the reason why
But the world will keep turning 
The birds will continue their morning flight 
And I will wake up but not entirely 
 I'll do this everyday
Until I find the reason why 
I am not myself today