If you’re reading this, I hope it’s not too late

everyday they ask me if I love you 
for months actually 
so I've got a question?
what is going on between the two of you?
I say nothing
I've become numb to the question and I reply bluntly because that is what I have to present to you
I say oh I know what you are going to ask me 
I know what you are thinking 
but no it is not true at all 
this is nothing 
I would tell you if I loved him 
I become sad when I say it especially when they put it all on you
when I know that we are at an unspoken equilibrium 
you love me as much as I love you but you will never tell me not in this time
that's good
don't 
 I hope that you'll never tell me because what will happen to everything 
how to fall in love with your bestfriend 
because everytime you thought it was endgame and then when you'll fall it is all over in a flash of an eye
but I'm beginning to lose control of my smile that you're responsible for 
friends don’t make you feel this way
and my heart is racing 
telling me to show you how I feel rather than say it 
but sometimes you need to switch that off because love is never written in the right time 
it's never here in the right place 
but maybe in September when we are living lives away from our current environment 
and then it is only us in the world that matters
but what if you meet someone else who gets you like I do and knows you like I do
you know everything and that is what's shitting me
because humans are replaceable 
perhaps a couple of months down the line you will not be able to recognise me because you are far too caught up in your alter ego
but it's okay I want you to create a facade and trial and error some loves
I want to be your endgame this time so I am not going to tell you how I feel until it is all over 
I just hope that I will not be too late
do you trust me?
                   - I hope this reaches you on time