I cannot love to survive

I do want to put my lips against yours and feel you inside of me as you transfer your heart beat that belongs to me
and we were closer than ever this time but I needed to stop time and turn away because I don’t think you’re realising what you’re getting into 
and I know that you don’t look that far into the future but you are my best friend and you’re pushing our boundaries
you see I’ve been there and I know the repercussions 
it’s good when it’s good but I promise you when it was bad it really was and suddenly it’s all over and you become a stranger
and I don’t want you to become a stranger to me because you saved me and if my saviour is gone
that would fuck me up further 
and you should know that I am an emotional wreck and that I am the most precious of the damaged goods 
it’s all sunshine outwardly but inside it can get real ugly because of history’s scars 
but you’ve seen that so I know that this time would be different
but I’m afraid of loving you because I feel as if I am doomed 
inevitably and without doubt you will let me down and disappointment me
I’ve been there
I’m tired of this love game and I have lost several times it’s draining baby
but just comfort me and don’t speak words to me because I’m tired of hearing the same words throughout time
I have to ban myself from loving you and I’m sorry but that’s just the way life is
                     - I want to be with you