I'm not sorry

The days pass like cars speeding across a highway.
My heart beats like it’s on the brink of stopping completely.
My head is spinning out of control,
These disastrous hormones in command.
Life is an illusion
With a disgusting conclusion.
 
I’m sorry mother.
I cannot be the girl you want me to be.
I cannot be the perfect daughter you always wanted.
But I can be the son you wanted.
I can make you proud to have someone so strong willed,
Not afraid to do what they feel is right.
 
I’m sorry.
I cannot give you grandchildren of blood.
But I can give you a lot of cat grandchildren.
I’ll try harder to get through school,
To get through life without adding unnecessary
Imperfections to this precious skin you gave me.

Dear mother.
I know times are hard
I know you try to understand, 
I know I know I know.
I try to please you, try to make you realise that calling me that 
name. You gave me at birth, makes me feel
like you don’t care.
You accepted me when I said I was gay.
when I was different.
but evidently you can’t accept me for who I truly am.

and right now with these wings
these wings, that appear when realisation hits.
I’m not sorry.
not even a little bit.