In the Middle

It hurts.
The pain in my chest hurts. 
Its screaming a constant reminder.
A reminder of guilt and uselessness.
It is trapped
My heart hurts
It's pounding faster and faster 
The blood no longer trickling but accelerating through my body, 
It's speeds up and gets stronger
Don't look or speak to me or It might just,
Stop
I'm sorry, 
Sorry for not looking at you when you speak to me, 
For fidgeting and cracking my knuckles to block out the sound of my own voice, 
For not being normal for being annoying for not being, 
Good enough
5 minutes longer,
If I could just have 5 minutes longer in bed or 10 or what the heck, 
The whole day if need be.
I'll say I'm sick I'll make an excuse but it won't make me feel better.
I should have told you.
About how I felt.
About how everything just isn't right,
How life is to hard to cope with, 
About that time I wanted to take my life because you wanted to send me back to that place.
 that rancid place I despise, 
I hate,
I just fucking hate.
I feel isolated, 
No one understands.
No one cares.
Only you do, except I'm to far into this mess I've created only now,
I am alone.