Intellectual Conversation

Dear Truly,
You know as I sit back and try to uhh ponder on my life's decisions I feel like at some point I've done a terrible job. Especially with religion because I'm a christian, I believe in God and Jesus above everything else I mean after all their the ones who basically gave me the visions for me to strive to make but yet I didn't make them because I'm a fool. You know, like I got it honestly with my love life, my way of seeing things, just mind, body and spirit all in one. I would focus on me cause that's the right thing to do everyone should do it at some point but when I do it I feel like I'm selfish. And see this goes back to my way of seeing things because I see myself as selfish then at some point selfless then at another point in between. It'll feel like my mind and my heart is playing tug of war with my body and I can't really take it because of how it affects me. I wouldn't know why I would mess with women whom I gotta pick up the pieces to put them together when I'm not even fully together myself. Even after that I'd still give what I don't even have like love, my heart, my mind, time, attention and emotion. I'd still give it all to woman cause I'll feel like "she's broken just let her have it she probably need it more than you do". Then would think that maybe when she's together I can ask her to you know put me together as I did her but by then I'm hypocrite because the same advice I'd give her or anyone else someone had given it to me and though I may see her picture and think "that's them, I know them now" they'll just be using diluted colors. Yet I don't know that so then there's God you know, he'd send me visions like warnings to just stop right there back out don't get attached I'd ignore it after thinking about it until that person show me their true colors. Then afterwards I feel even more broken then before to the point I feel like I'm damaged beyond repair like I cannot be fixed. That would scare me because I don't want to be like the person was like that towards me because if I end being like that then I'm no better than that person. So now I'm back to my little doubt in my religion cause I felt why does this happen to me or why didn't say something to me about it if you're my protector. Only to come to a realization that it's not their fault it's mine because I refused to listen to their warning before. I mean if I can believe in people have faith in people and pray for people I know I can walk by faith and let my belief in God drive me every morning to get out of bed and this loving, caring, responsible, selfless, smart, handsome, charming etc I mean the list goes on and don't say this because you may feel I'm too full of myself. No. I'm just going off what people have told me, what people see in me, what people who have faith in me and who believe in me very much have said about me, maybe to me or to others. The things I've done in the past if I was still that person you wouldn't give me a second glance but now even though I am not saved that doesn't mean that when in the presence of God I don't bow and worship. I do so that he can bless me like he has done in many ways. I thank him dearly. I just understand that I have to let things go I mean I let it go already but I have understand that I must move on even though it'll bother me so very much. Bruce Lee really said it best "be like water". "You put water in a cup, it becomes the cup. You water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash". In which I can finally realize that when it flows it can be very relaxing and when it crashes it can do damage and it can also be blocked by something In it's path but it has to get through it in order for it to flow again. So I have to just adapt to my lifestyle and wake up to my blessings whatever they may be and finally see my things the way they supposed to be seen. Cause even Forest Gump realize that at some point youve gotta stop running but if you continue let nothing stand in your way not even the hardest of obstacles. I finally feel good now like I'm relieved and able to start fresh on my life because I deserve it. Talk to you later.

                                                               Sincerely,
                                                 Davion M Tinsley