Is This What Death Is Like?
Is this what death is Like?
Is this what it's like to walk through the world as a shade?
Have I already been mourned?
And where was my body laid?
Yesterday, right here in my town
A few miles away, a body was found
In a dumpster, alone, tossed away
I didn't sleep last night and havnt slept today
Was it me that they found thrown in the trash
Was today not even real
Because today I can not focus
Today I can not feel
Has this all been a delusion
From a sick and tormented soul
Left to suffer without mind or body
Forever broken
Never again to be whole?
Is this what death is Like?
Is this my eternal fate?
Because I am too lost to find home
Where I was meant to wait?
Have I lost all meaning and purpose
Has my univers vanished forever from my sight?
Is this my dark eternal night?
Will there never again be light?
Is this what death is like?
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Great write Twilla. I often feel like death and ask myself the same question. Enjoyed
- Syd
Thank you Syd ☆
In 2010 in East Brunswick, New Jersey, I suffered a massive heart attack after shoveling out of a nasty Nor'easter that left me clinically dead for nearly four minutes, Twilla.
I had an out-of-body experience which caused me to question everything I thought I knew about my faith.
There were no bright beckoning lights, no angelic choirs singing, and certainly no dead relatives to welcome me to the other side.
There was only blackness...and them.
I say "them" simply because I don't know what they were—whether they were human or something far worse.
Your poem brought this dreadful memory to come rushing back at me with a vengeance.
That experience is why I often write the horrific things I write about today.
~Dean Kuch ツ
Oddly enough I had a near death expirence in my early 20s. Though I was not greeted by familar faces or a welcoming light I was met by a woman that seemed like your stereo typical strict athoritive unfriendly school teacher. She sat by my bed on nothing as if there had been a chair under her. I understood that I was either delirious from the fever or dying so I asked "am I going to die?" Without any emotion evident on her face or in her tone she replied "that's up to you". Suddenly I didn't feel sick. I wasn't in pain. I wasn't afraid. It was like I could suddenly see things from a wider perspective. Like I understood the general concept of life, death, afterlife and everything else, but without actually drawing any details into my current thoughts. I suddenly found myself thinking "well, I will have to die Eventually. Maybe this is as good a time as any". But at the time my oldest son was 3 years old and had no one else to care for him. I asked the woman if he would be ok without me and she said his life would not be near as hard as my own had been. After a bit more thought I decided that I wanted to see him grow up myself and be there for him and that there was still so much I could explore. I seemed to realize that even if I lived to 150 it would still be all over soon so I could trudge through a bit more and see what else I could get into, even if it turned out to be very unpleasant. Out loud I said "I think I need to go to the hospital" and she replied "then you will live" and vanished. After calling 911 and having every scan possible done at the hospital to figure out why my abdomen was visibly swollen on one side and nothing was reducing it they rushed me to the O.R. when I woke up they said the swelling had actually gone down right away and what they were seeing was the gigantic syst on my overy. They said they could not believe I survived the ride in the ambulance because had it ruptured I would not have made it even if I was already at the door to the ER. I had another child a few years later. Now I have a 15 year old out growing me rapidly and an adorable 10 year old likely to be as short as his mother, lol.
I just wrote an encreadibly long explination of a theroy I have as to why your expireience was so disturbing....
then my browser reloaded for no reason at all :/
So I'll get back to you on that when I am not so very very angery at Google ?
It sounds to me like you made the right choice, Twilla. I'm sure your boys are much better off having had you with them than they would have been without you.
Our children are our legacy, as well as the words we write. They are the yardstick by which those of us who have been fortunate enough to be published and in print will be measured by others long after we are gone.
Children extend our immortality.
Being published ensures it.
Great story.
Thank you for sharing it with me.
~Dean Kuch :}
Very dark.