its...

It's the worst kind of suffocation. The barrier you cant see that you run into blindly in the darkness. The scattering for reassurance, reaching- feeling for a safety net; for something that feels familiar in a now blackened world. Its being able to breathe but not being able to catch your breath. To know that your lungs are filling with air but being pulled down hard into a rushing current. It's watching the light disapear as you cascade into the cold water, deeper and deeper. 
It's feeling restless and useless at the same time. Having the urge to sit in the shower and cry. Feeling everything all at once and then, suddenly- nothing at all.