It’s time - I’m done

In the middle of the night You woke me
I knew You had something You wanted to tell me
I don’t know what it is
But I want You to show me
I want You to tell me what’s on Your heart
I want to understand why the sudden surprise 

What you’re saying doesn’t make sense 
But I will choose to trust You anyway
I’m scared it’s my imagination 
I’m scared I’m making things up 
I’m scared 
But I know You will meet me here
I will allow You to trade my scares away
I will allow You to replace it with safety and insurance 
Cause You have always shown yourself as accountable
You have always shown yourself as someone I can count on

It’s time 
Isn’t it?
The day I have been dreading 
Cause You have prepared me months ago
I just didn’t wanted to accept it
It’s not like what you’re saying is coming out of nowhere 
It’s more like I’ve tried to avoid what’s ahead
I know it has to be done 
I know it’s time
But can you please give me the courage to let it all behind?
The strength to let go
When everything in my body screams no?
The boldness to follow through 
When I feel like a coward that doesn’t want to go through with it?
Cause In my flesh I feel so small
I feel so weak - so fragile 

—-

The day arrives 
There’s no question in mind 
I exposed the fakeness and I’m done allowing 
I wanna put myself in respect 
I wanna stand up and speak my mind
That treatment isn’t at all fine

I feel holy wrath inside my chest 
And You suddenly give me the strength
You give me the courage I need to finish my last mission
Before I retret
To face what I once avoided on repeat 

I’m done living my life this way 
I’m done allowing and accepting being talk down on and walked over
Done; allowing disrespect to enter my pathway
Done; accepting their apology with no changed behavior 
I’m done 
And thanks to You, God
I now know my worth 
Thanks to You
I now know who I was meant to be 
Who I truly am 
And if people can’t accept me for who I am
If people can’t respect my decisions and boundaries 
They don’t deserve to be in my life anyway
I’m not settling for less than I deserve 
And I refuse to give my heart away
To someone who can’t treat it the right way