Journey Through The Past

Here comes the ghost of the past tapping on my head
Portraying a picture of my memories, as I lay here in my bed
Climbing to the top of that old Strickeen
Dingle Bay beneath, laid bare, exhibiting a tranquil sceneΒ
The wild Atlantic Coast bestows fisherman's tales
Of a bottlenose dolphin steering close to the sails
Playful, and surveying the good folk above
Pointed out a close coupleΒ captivated in love
Rugged scenery, sandy beaches, stretch out to Dunquin
That spiritless man, not even he can hide a grin
The Blaskets pose as a monument on the ocean
Gazing from the mainland, your eyes fail to conceal your emotion
Witnessing the summer on Dingles colourful streets
Tourists licking ice-cream, exploring the harbor from their seats
At night, O'Flaherty's plays the bodhran and the fiddle
Be sure to visit for a good pint and a giggle!
So, with gusto, I shall circle back somedayΒ
That wind will usher me back towards Atlantics doorway
To see the selfless people that were great to me
Guiding a lost ship stranded at sea.
Β
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Comments
There are a few examples of forced scansion throughout your poem, Keith. For example, in the following line:
"Pinpointed a man and woman captivated in love." It's the word "Pinpointed" throwing off your otherwise good rhythm in this particular stanza. Consider the following:
Pointed out a close couple captivated in love.
Merely a suggestion.
As for the remainder of your poem; stellar!
Keep up the great writing.
~Dean
Thank you and appreciate the advice! But not sure I could steal your line sir.
Your deep affection for subject really shines through the whole poem. Fabulous work.
I am not a very technical poet but, just to muddy waters, I like pinpointed.
Thanks for that and I did consider it and like you said my gut says pinpointing..
Hello Keith...
The description and detail in this is awesome...
βββββI felt as if I was there...
Great write!
Thank you for sharing...
Hugs...
sparrowsong
Thank you Sparrowsong!
lovely comments!
??? fantastic write Keith!Β
"Here comes the ghost of the past tapping on my head"
brilliant start to great imagery in this piece!Β
well done Keith! ???Β
Thanks Wayne appreciate your great comments!
Hi Keith,
I came back to you my people
From being lost at sea
Now, I will stay forever
And so happy will I be
Peace and Love,
Larry xxx
Β
Indeed Larry ?