just once more

“Just once more”, I say.
Searing pain is here to stay.
Feelings hurt, are in my way.
A perfect beauty turning gray.

“Just once more”, I cry.
Start again, I want to try.
Torn apart, I beg to die.
But don’t know how and don’t know why.

“Just once more”, I swear.
I trapped myself, can get nowhere.
A life to live that I can’t bear.
Got no control, I may not care.

“Just once more”, I say to me.
Running from reality.
Thinking that right now I’m free.
My vicious cycle won’t agree.

“Just once more”, I huff.
I try to make things feel less rough.
It’s hard for me to call my bluff.
I know one cut won’t be enough.