Lasting

Years have passed in this war for souls, 
My brain and soul are constantly poisoned. 
Unknowing if I will last until the end, 
God knows if we will ever be joined. 
Undeserving of the ways He helps me through. 
Thankful I remain, and apologetic for all hurt. 
I understand the reasons for my trials. 
The reward for not being wicked is dirt. 
Fearful of God, see through all the delusions, 
They make war because they fight a losing battle. 
Thoughts escape me and I forget my past, 
Wickedness causes their soul to rattle. 
Forget not only the bad, but many blessings. 
Lost and empty I feel most of the time. 
It would be fine if I were saved. 
Another battle fought deep in my mind.